【Watch I Don't Love You Yet Online】

Hey Elon! Musk,Watch I Don't Love You Yet Online my man. My boi, my guy, my dude!

I'm looking at the calendar (can you believe it's September already?) and, like, summer is over.

Kids are going back to school in their crispy AF clothes and kicks and just, okay, I'll cut to the chase: Where the f*ck is my flamethrower? I correct myself, my Not-a-Flamethrower. *Wink wink*.

Y'all promised me I'd be roasting nuts or killing zombies like a boss this summer and I've yet to incinerate a single peanut for the 'gram.

SEE ALSO: Elon Musk enjoys world's gentlest softball interview with Marques Brownlee after total meltdown

Look, Elon, I know you're a super busy guy. You've got lots of big and important shit to do like running Tesla, SpaceX, The Boring Company, and tweeting yourself into trouble.

I'm aware of all the things you've had on your plate this year:

• Sending a Tesla (and more importantly Starman) into space

• Sleeping at the factory to help improve Tesla Model 3 production

• Picking fights with journalists because you're butt-hurt over media coverage

• Basically declaring yourself Batman by bringing a kid-sized submarine to help rescue Thai soccer team trapped in cave

• Accusing Thai cave diver Vernon Unsworth of being a pedophile

• Successfully landing another Falcon 9 rocket booster

• Errr, reaching a deal with the farting unicorn artist

• Getting everyone all worked up over taking Tesla private, but then reneging

• Somehow making time for a softball interview with YouTuber MKBHD

• Uh... launching a Tesla battery pack with built-in wireless charging

• Doubling down on accusing the Thai cave diver of being a pedo after apologizing months earlier

These are only the highlights. There's tons of stuff you did this year that I can't possibly recall. All in a year's work, I suppose, but seriously dude... where's my fire gun?

I wasMashable was crazy enough to drop $576.37 on the Not-a-Flamethrower and a Boring-branded fire extinguisher. That was at the end of January. It's now September and I've heard virtually nothing about when I'll get my toy.

It was nice you guys had a "pick-up party" in Los Angeles in June. But I don't live in L.A — I live in New York City. One of our L.A. guys tried to go pick it up, but they didn't make the 1,000-person line cutoff.

Mashable Light Speed Want more out-of-this world tech, space and science stories? Sign up for Mashable's weekly Light Speed newsletter. By clicking Sign Me Up, you confirm you are 16+ and agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Thanks for signing up!

NBD. I'm a patient guy, so I waited. In July, you told me there would be a pick-up party in Washington D.C. But you didn't tell me what time and where exactly.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

I sent you guys a polite email, but ya just left me hanging. Naturally, I missed the pick-up party because, dude, I'm not a friggin' mind reader.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

August rolled by and...

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Elon, buddy, this ain't cool. Breaking up hurts (trust me, we've all been there), but it'll get better. Keep your eye on the ball and ship my darn Not-a-Flamethrower.

At the very least gimme an update like tracking info on when I can expect it. Something to believe in! I'm just asking for a little hope that I still might be able to BBQ like a badass this summer.

There's still time, too! Seventeen days to be exact. Summer ain't officially over until Sept. 22. Keep your promise, man!

I'll be upset if it doesn't come in the next few days. I guess I could use it to clear snow off the walk or teach a snowman a lesson or something, but that's not gonna cure the serious FOMO I have right now.

Don't take my summer fun away from me. Let me live a little and bask in the Instagram glory for a hot sec. It's all I want.

Sincerely,

Guy Patiently Waiting For His FlamethrowerNot-a-Flamethrower

UPDATE: Sept. 5, 2018, 2:09 p.m. EDT:

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

We did it! The Boring Company got back to me and will ship our Not-a-Flamethrower in the next few days! Wooo! What do we burn first? Tweet me @raywongy and we might burn your idea.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

---

Featured Video For You

---

This tricked-out SpaceX helmet is nearly all 3D printed

---

Topics Elon Musk

• Life
• Science
• Shopping
• Entertainment
• Tech
• Social Good
• Games
• Digital Culture

• The Complacent Intellectual Class
• The iRobot Roomba j7+ is 50% off ahead of Prime Day
• NYT's The Mini crossword answers for October 8
• What to do if your dog doesn't like other dogs or strangers
• Dreams Deferred
• Last Chance: Get a Free Copy of “The Unprofessionals”
• Dan Stevens' brutal takedown of Boris Johnson makes BBC presenters audibly gasp
• The best smart home deals to shop before Prime Day
• Comrades at Arms
• Dan Stevens' brutal takedown of Boris Johnson makes BBC presenters audibly gasp

• Tencent’s Dungeon and Fighter generates $140 million in first week in China · TechNode
• Honor X50 smartphone sales surpass 10 million in Chinese market in 10 months · TechNode
• Vivo X100 Ultra debuts with 200MP telephoto lens and 1/1.4
• Qualcomm, China’s Momenta to build self
• China’s Great Wall Motor to shut down European office as EV tariffs loom · TechNode
• Chinese government filings reveal details of BYD’s latest compact hatchback · TechNode
• Kuaishou unveils Sora
• JD gives employees both carrots and sticks amid market pressure · TechNode
• BYD to launch new premium EV in H2, aims to rival BMW 5
• Online retailer JD faces backlash from local book publishers amid low

• Getting Schooled
• The Strugatsky Brothers’ Sci
• 18 funny viral videos that are relics of a time long gone
• Apple Vision Pro: These 2 flaws are reportedly a huge concern behind the scenes
• Vanity Foul
• Best Prime Day printer deals of 2023 start at $99
• The Historically Complicated Sex Drive of William Byrd II
• 'Quordle' today: See each 'Quordle' answer and hints for October 10, 2023
• New Iconoclasms
• In the Studio with Aidan Koch

• The Tagorean Impulse
• Celebrity NFT drops, ranked
• Rowan Ricardo Phillips on Steph Curry and the Golden State Warriors.
• Best Prime Day headphones deal: 50% off Beats Solo3
• After a Tragedy, the Ohio State Fair Endures
• Staff Picks: Our Favorites from 2015
• How to Be Perfect: An Illustrated Poem by Ron Padgett
• Staff Picks: Our Favorites from 2015
• Conspiracies, War, and Democrats
• Threads leak teases a trending topics feature