【99 Moons】

Assemble the Diamond Dogs9 Moonsget ready to howl. At long last, Sexy Christmas is upon us.

As Ted Lassofans know, Sexy Christmas, a tradition that Keeley and Roy invented in the fourth episode of Season 2, "Carol of the Bells," comically falls on Dec. 28. Keeley originally intended to make regular old Christmas — you know, the one on Dec. 25 — sexy, but when Roy's niece Phoebe crashed the party they rescheduled their adult plans.

Keeley suggested pushing the festivities back 24 hours and celebrating Sexy Boxing Day, but Roy had to work. She had a conflict with Dec. 27, so she suggested they celebrate on the 28th, which Roy crowned "Sexiest of all the days." Thus, Sexy Christmas was reborn. 

Now it's up to us to keep the tradition alive.

Sexiest of all the days. Credit: SCREENSHOT / APPLETV+

If Sexy Christmas sounds a little NSFW, that's because it is. But also, as Keely explained, it doesn't have to be. She described the start of her dream Sexy Christmas as "a swinging, Sinatra, Vegas-type Christmas for adults where we get all dressed up and we sip on martinis and sit by the fire." Her Sexy Christmas prep involved hanging stockings and decking the halls, turning on one of those leg lamps from A Christmas Story, firing up a chocolate fountain for strawberry dipping, making some drinks, and hanging mistletoe. She lit candles, threw on a record, and dressed in an ensemble so stunning that Roy dropped not one, but two, swear words when he saw her.

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Deck the sexy halls. Credit: SCREENSHOT / APPLETV+ Sexy Christmas is lit. Credit: SCREENSHOT / APPLETV+ Bust out the chocolate fountain. It's a special occassion. Credit: SCREENSHOT / APPLETV+

Regular Christmas is a day for potluck dinners, delivering presents, and writing poster board messages so you can stand outside someone's door and pull a Love Actually. It's the time to watch It's A Wonderful Lifeon repeat, blow off an invite to an Elton John party, or go door to door in some posh neighborhood in search of a dentist. Christmas is heartwarming, but SexyChristmas is all about living your best, sexiest life. Celebrating the made-up holiday is an act of self-care, really. So it deserves the same annual excitement that the internet shows April 25, the perfect date from Miss Congeniality, or Oct. 3, the day Aaron Samuels asked Cady Heron what day it was in Mean Girls.

Spend Sexy Christmas with a special someone, a group of friends, or yourself, and indulge in good food, drinks, music, fashion, conversation, and mood lighting. Don't forget to take a selfie (or an usie) to commemorate the occasion, and add "Carol of the Bells," the Ted Lasso claymation Christmas short, and Roy's retirement speech to your watchlist. Sexy Christmas combines the warmth and good cheer of Christmas with the excitement of a stylish, intimate New Year's Eve party. Crucially, it eliminates the stress and pressure associated with those two major holidays. The dream!

Holy ****ing ****, you both look incredible. Credit: SCREENSHOT / APPLETV+

Every Dec. 28, take a moment to remember how lucky we are that Roy and Keeley created a brand new holiday for us.

Merry Sexy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Ted Lassois now streaming on AppleTV+.

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